umm...wow.

My roommate just told me something profound.

As I'm stressing over just the right words to write to my profs in order to get them to allow me to take their classes without taking the prerequisites, she says, "wow, you're putting too much thought into this...I mean, God already has it down if you'll be able to take the class or not so..."

click! of course He does, He's got everything under control. I'm just a bit of a Calvinist (just a bit though...okay, maybe verging on hyper-Calvinism?? --> I believe very much in the total sovreignty of God (He's in control of everything) but I also believe very much that man is responsible for his actions). So the thought shouldn't have come off as too profound, but it was like that light above my head just got a lot brighter. The "deep theology" stuff was put into layman's terms- so easy a child could understand it....hmmm.

Then, as I was cleaning for white glove I was thinking more into what she said again. I thought "If God has everything planned already, then whoa...it's not something I need to worry about, that's not my job to fret over things, it's not in my control, my job is just to ...know Him." that's it. that's what I'm supposed to get. all of this. everything around me is so that I can know Him. everything that happens in a day is so that I can know Him. My one responsiblity is to know Him.

wow, God, this is your love story to me, isn't it? I love you too.

the Fall of man -- God's plan

It amazes me more and more every time I think about it. But God planned the Fall. He not only knew it was going to happen, he made it happen, and he wanted it to happen. If Adam and Eve hadn't sinned in the garden...so what? We'd all be perfect? Sure we'd walk with God in the cool of the day and would see him face to face, but we wouldn't know redemption. We wouldn't know what is to be a sinner that God loves unconditionally. To be adopted. My favorite picture of salvation is found in Ezekiel 16. It's graphic. And that's the state that we are in. We are the ugly baby left to die until the King comes and clothes us, he adorns us, gives us his riches and palace. And we are the ones who take those riches and use them on vile and contemptible things, things that make us enemies of the one who gave us all. And yet he still loves and tries to win us back. We wouldn't know that love if it were not for the Fall. We wouldn't be His Sons and Daughters, we wouldn't be heirs to the Kingdom through and with Christ. We wouldn't know, and he amazes me.

the Bible-it's a small incredibly intricate world

I'm going to a bible college and one of my classes is Old Testament Survey. Now, I typically read my bible everyday, but for this class I am required to read a chapter of the old testament for each class period (the class meets MWF). That's a lot of reading. I'm a slow reader. So I've started Genesis today, and around chapter 14 these were my thoughts.
"This is the book my Husband wrote for me, that I might know Him, draw closer to Him and love Him through reading His words. And He didn't just write it out, but set up all of history so that the physical writer of the book would have the experiences in his own life, be moved by His Holy Spirit, and thus write what He did- ...and all of history adds up to this very moment in time (in each of our lives) and he has knit every piece together so perfectly. indescribable.
He sits with me as I read His words, as I read His very face and waits. He is silent. He wants me to know Him. He wants me to know Him.
God how coud I ever doubt your love for me, doubt that you could have chosen me? How could I not praise you for all you have done? Not just in my life, but in all history-- in each persons life from the beginning of time until the end of time, you set it all up--how could we question "why this" and "why that?" You are carrying out your plan and good will. And here I sit learning You.

when it's not me they're rejecting

My blog is entitled "helplessly in love with a Saviour," right? So that means I love my savior, I love Christ and nothing will ever get in the way of that. right?? I wish. I've struggled a lot this first year in college in really showing that I love Him, that's He's my Savior, my Creator. How, if I am "suposed" to be overflowing with His love, do I not share what I know of Him? If I had a boyfriend, would I not tell my friends, my family, my co-workers that I'm in love with the man? How much more so should I be telling them of Christ's love? well, I tried today...and I'll try tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after...and until He gives me no more days with which to tell of Him to others here.
In class today, one of the guys said he knew nothing of Christ, he didn't get the biblical references in the story we were reading and he didn't want to. During class we had little discussion groups and that's how I found this out (though I knew somewhat from other class periods as well). When he said he didn't understand the biblical references, I said I'd be happy to explain, he didn't seem to want to get into it. And after class I caught up with him and said I'd really like to share my faith with him. He politlely declined. He didn't want to hear it. As I was walking away, it brought tears to my eyes, not because he offended me, in fact he even said, "I respect what you belive, but...it's not for me." It just hurt to think that he was willfully rejecting Christ and his own Creator.
I do love my Savior, and it does hurt to watch people reject Him.

beyond measure

The fog has finally cleared to see, the beautiful life You've given me. (...)

I know that I've been given more than beyond measure, I come alive when I see beyond my fears. I know that I've been given more than earthly treasure, I come alive when I've broken down and given You control.

I've faced a great tragedy, but have seen the works of what You bring. A display of faith that You give. I don't know if I will ever understand the depth of what it is You've done inside, but I know that i won't find any worth apart from you. Everything that I have has been given so unselfishly and shown that even when I don't deserve, You always show the fullness of Your love

~Jeremy Camp "Beyond Measure"